Making the Invisible, Visible
Showing up for anything, especially things for ourselves, requires an immense amount of mental labor. It's time we make this work visible.
Last week I had the honor and privilege to join the virtual stage with a diverse group of brilliant women. Women from all different races, sexual orientations, experiences, and political affiliations who came together in support of Vice President, Kamala Harris, becoming the next President of the United States. I want to make something really clear. I could not have shown up to that meeting in the way I was able to, if it wasn’t for invisible and unpaid labor. Showing up at this event meant everything to me.
I want to make the invisible labor that enabled me to show up last week, visible. By highlighting the invisible, we both validate how critical it is and attach value to it.
Creating the plan:
As soon as I was asked to speak I started working backwards, iykyk. The speaking engagement was Thursday night at 8 PM, what did I need to do in order to make sure I could not only be present, but also prepared and in the energy that was going to serve me?
First and foremost my daughter needed to be cared for
I needed to create time and space to prep for the call
I needed to make sure I was in the right headspace the day of
Who and what, behind the scenes made it happen…
My partner:
The second we found out about this opportunity he sprang into action. He coordinated childcare for our nearly 2 year old with his parents. He owned the communication with them and took responsibility for driving our daughter to and from their house. This enabled me to be completely free from any childcare worries and responsibilities not only during the event, but leading up to it. The stress that eliminated can’t be described. He also made sure I was fed and was my nonstop hype-man. If we did not value and prioritize what it means to be true partners, this would have looked very different.
My in-laws:
Did not flinch, but instead celebrated taking on this role. They provided us with the care infrastructure we needed, when we needed it, no questions asked. I was able to relax and be present knowing that my daughter was in their care. I’m eternally grateful and I know this is a massive privilege.
My Mother:
Spent hours with me in advance of the presentation. She helped me with my talking points, listened to me practice, provided feedback and made me stronger. I spoke for under 4 minutes. We spent 2 hours prepping and practicing. I love you, mom.
Our daughters teachers:
I don’t know where to begin. These women provide me with the time and space every week to devote my energy to causes and work that inspire me. This work makes opportunities like this possible. Without reliable and safe childcare, for our daughter I would not have been on that virtual stage.
My friends Ariel & Callan:
Both jumped in and asked, how can I help? My instinct was to say, just show up. But I knew I needed more than that. I asked for help with both reviewing my talking points and practicing. They provided it, unpaid.
My Father, sister, friends, clients, mentors and more:
Showed up and cheered me on. Time is our most valuable asset and so many people spent theirs last Thursday night hyping me. This emotional (unpaid) support keeps me going, even when things feel really tough.
I juggled, balanced and coordinated it all. The mental olympics I experienced to coordinate one event was remarkable. Between the schedule, the asks and meeting my needs, was a large time investment.
As a society, we do not give the time and energy that it takes to *make it all happen* enough attention. And that needs to change, because we are doing this every day to keep our homes, ourselves, our workplaces, our communities and our families afloat.
Reflection Questions:
How do I value unpaid/cognitive (mental load) labor?
How do I communicate with others about the mental load I carry?
How is unpaid labor distributed in my home? How does this make me feel?
How can I start attaching value to all of the unpaid labor in my life?
Thoughtful and inspiring. Thx Tara!
Often said by my wise Granny, "You reap, what you sow, my dear." You sow exuberance, thoughtfulness, and love...attributes of a true leader. And, don't forget, that fabulous, endearing and sometimes infuriating dash of "redhead." It is a pleasure to "hype" you and the work you are doing.